If you’re reading this, maybe you’re in same boat affectionately named “Starting Over” (aka sinking ship or floating out in the deep blue…).
I am in my early forties, the age of waking up in pain after pulling a muscle in my sleep mysteriously (to the point that I’m not super mobile for several days). Sitting in bed in the evening with a heat pad, fuzzy socks, and multiple pillows, hoping my back doesn’t hurt when I wake up. Sexy, I know.
Honestly though, I’m more comfortable with myself now than I’ve ever been. I’m stronger physically and mentally, but maybe a little too strong willed still. There are so many uncertainties that I thought would have worked themselves out by now, but here we are. Discussing my life changes, and the fact that I am unsure of how this next chapter will end.
Recently my life was flipped upside down. After almost 19 years with the same company (almost half my life mind you), I was laid off. Ok, upside down might be a little dramatic. I did receive enough money to get me through multiple months so my life wasn’t exactly over.
“All we can do is our best. And sometimes the best that we can do…is to start over.”
-Hayley Atwell
I was, however, bruised (my pride mostly, maybe a little bit of my confidence). It didn’t matter how many times my husband tried to console me, I still felt like it was all my fault.
What more could I have done, what could I have not done, did I do something wrong? A lot of questions still unanswered. I feel it creep up almost every day, regardless of what I’m in the middle of. Folding laundry – was it because I’m working from home and they decided they didn’t like it? Washing dishes – why didn’t anyone talk to me about it before simply saying “we are letting you go”? Crushing.
If I’m going to be honest, I haven’t been happy there for a long time. Everything felt like a struggle, and no I don’t mean a challenge. I enjoy challenges, and really thrive on them. This was different, where I was putting in the work, doing everything I can, without receiving proper consideration. I constantly felt pushback on anything new, and they had no interest in implementing any changes I felt were needed.
I became invisible.
I probably would have stayed until retirement though, feeling miserable. Funny how the universe decides otherwise.
“Every day is a chance to begin again. Don’t focus on the failures of yesterday, start today with positive thoughts and expectations.”
-Catherine Pulsifer
So I took a couple days to try and relax. Sit, contemplate, spend some time on myself. I just can’t sit and do nothing though. I feel the need to be productive, and who doesn’t want to feel useful. Help with making money for the family, for travel, for new furnaces ugh.
In the spring, one of two furnaces quit. Being 43 years old, it was bound to happen. How are we supposed to finish renovations, plan a trip to Disney, and somehow replace the furnaces and water heater? Oh yeah, and my car died the week before as well.
Now it’s starting to sound like a country song, maybe I could be a song writer…
As I briefly mentioned, I’ve been working from home for the last couple of years, originally due to a medical condition. I quite often felt uneasy about driving. I had very little energy by the end of the day, and little to none by the time I got home. When my request to work remote was accepted, I felt respected. I felt like they cared.
I will explain further in another post, I feel like it might be beneficial for some of you to read about what I’ve gone through. Here is a link to my condition in the meantime.
I am also an introvert, and I love the quiet. Once I get my children to school, and maybe the odd morning I wake up early, I can sit at my desk and feel peace. In the summer, I open up my windows and listen to the rustling of the trees, and songs of the birds. Not only peace, but also contentment. Work can be stressful for all of us, but I felt like it was lessened at home.
So, finding a flexible job at home, where I can continue to get my kids to school and back myself is super important to me. Oh and PD days. So many PD days (aka teacher personal development days). Besides saving money on childcare (which is a lot), I enjoy getting them up at a reasonable time, making breakfast and lunches, and walking them to school without rushing.
Maybe not in minus thirty (-22F for my American friends). We are in Northern Alberta, Canada and it can get a little crisp (so this is where it would be ideal to have a car that runs).
I started searching with my phone, on the usual job sites. Remote jobs, work from home, flexible hours. Then the Facebook and Instagram ads started piling in. “Make 6 figures doing this one thing with very little work”. Or “become a millionaire overnight!”. A dream. Who wouldn’t want to work less, make more money, become debt free almost instantly.
Since I had some extra money to pay the mortgage, why not weed through the BS and see what might actually work. What I might actually like to do.
And no I don’t believe in not doing any work and making a ton of money. Some of these “gurus” are just trying to make money themselves. Others give you a lot less bs, and actually tell you “it’s A LOT of work, and it takes time, but it’s not impossible”. Ok, I can work with that. Maybe starting over won’t be so bad…
“If you don’t like the road you’re walking, start paving another one.”
-Dolly Parton
Changing careers can be scary. Like horror movie, killer in the woods scary.
So where to start.
Check Out Part 2 Very Soon
Make sure to subscribe in the top bar to hear when I add to this series, and much more (I won’t spam you I promise, I’m a mom so I don’t have the time…)
I am also adding posts consistently, specific to what I have chosen to pursue. Including what is working and what isn’t. Swing in here to peruse.
Leave a comment, and visit my Facebook page to discuss. I would love to hear from you, and with your help, grow a community of women just trying to find their way!
